This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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