Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
