I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have already put on my inside pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
