He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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