That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
