are you still at the devil's house?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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