He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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