i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
