I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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