I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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