420 ftw
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
