I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
