I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize