Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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