you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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