So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
