A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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