just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
