People in love make me want to vomit
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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