If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
