She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
