Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
