My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
