my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
