One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
