I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
