He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
