whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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