you would pick up someone in the library
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
