Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
