You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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