We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize