I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
