If i come over, it means nothing
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
