No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
