Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
