My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
