Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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