a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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