Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
