What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had to cum in my sink.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
