i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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