Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
two words...techno handjob
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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