You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
