so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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