Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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