My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
