Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
