can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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