Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
