I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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