I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.