some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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So much puke
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.