apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Floor bacon is actually really good
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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