I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.