just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god