You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
