I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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