So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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