The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
