i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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