I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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