I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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