i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My vagina just clenched in fear
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
