You can't motorboat a personality
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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