the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
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I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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