Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
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Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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