I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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