how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
