you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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