If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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