hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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