Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
