I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
