You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
