Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
