Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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