No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
