one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
