First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
